I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
