i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
