Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
