There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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