just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
