Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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