If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
