Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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