my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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