so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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