mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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