i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
