I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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