he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
