So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
