So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
