Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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