trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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