pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
