Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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