I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize