This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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