Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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