I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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