Redeem this text for a blowjob
only you would photoshop your dick
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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