she was so not down for the gang bang
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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