My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
