I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
