I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize