I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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