i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he shaved USA in his pubs
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize