Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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