p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
