Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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