totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
