She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
