Dual....:-)
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
