I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
