i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
