I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
