ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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