so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
