I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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