listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
