I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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