Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
