Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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