You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I supernannyed him into submission
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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