The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
