went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize