Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
