Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
