Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
