no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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