I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
