So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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