Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
