She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
