Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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