Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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