I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
