I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
