YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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