STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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