Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
