My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
