please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
