my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
