So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
