OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
