U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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