Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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