So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
