Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
