we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
