I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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