is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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