jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
