Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
