Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
